Thursday, January 13, 2011

love dare / day 5 / Love is not rude..

Hello! I am soooo enjoying this! And I can tell you are too! So, our dare was to do something thoughtful..I chose to call my sweetie and make plans with him in the built anticipation and really helped make the day go by..I try to do something helpful and thoughtful everyday..I believe it is a love language we both speak and it works. One thing he loves is when I dish up his dinner and bring it to him..he never asked me to, I just did it and when I saw how cared for he felt... I knew I had an easy way to please him everyday!
It makes me feel good to do something that helps him unwind from the day and feel at home when he gets here.

Day 5

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. -Proverbs 27:14

Love is not rude

Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. Rude behaviour may seem insignificant to the person doing it, but it's unpleasant to those at the receiving end.

As always love has something to say about this. The bottom line is that genuine love minds it manners. good manners express to your wife or husband.."I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be the person who's a pleasure to be with."When you allow love to change your behavior-even in the smallest ways- you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them.

For the most part, etiquette you use at home is much different that the kind you employ with friends or even strangers. You may be barking or pouting around the house, but if that front door chimes, you open it all smiling and kind. Yet if you dare to love, you will also want to give your best to your own....I have a terrible memory when I didn't have self control and was yelling, I even said a swear and a friend of mine came into my home and "caught" me..I still cringe when I think of how humiliated I was that she saw my behaviour but more ashamed that I was treating my family to such an unbecoming part of myself..I am glad that God allowed that painful time to happen because it became a lesson for me I never want to repeat..Having habits like this can be hard to break..I am not perfect but in my heart I want desperately to be thoughtful of times when I become rude and to change my selfish way. If you don't make changes in your behaviour, the quality of your marriage will suffer for it.

There are two main reasons why people are rude:ignorance and selfishness. Neither, of course is a good thing. A child born of ignorance needs help with training..Adults on the other hand display their ignorance at another level. You know the rules, but you can be blind to how you break them or be to self-centered to care. In fact, you may not realize you are unpleasant to live with.

Treat yourself with these questions:

  • How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?

  • How does your behavior affect your mate's sense of worth and self esteem?

  • Would your husband or wife say your a blessing, or that your condescending and embarrassing?

If your thinking that your spouse- not you- is the one who needs work in this area, your likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness. Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard. Do you wish your spouse would stop doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?

Here are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage:

  • Guard the Golden Rule: Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated. (see Luke 6:31)

  • No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers, co-workers and friends.

  • Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt, then ask.

Today's Dare

Ask your spouse to tell you three things (gulp) that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

Questions for you:

  • What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention?

  • How did you handle hearing it?

  • What do you plan to do to improve these areas?

Listen, this is scary..don't I know it. But when we face things about ourselves we always learn and that's a good thing.. besides, our marriages benefit from it.. so its worth it. Your probably wonder why you got yourself into this..Be Brave! We knew it was gonna get hard..keep going! Do not give up because of fear or humiliation.! It is a tool of the enemy my friends..shine God's truth and light on and into those secret will be blessed!! I look forward to hearing from you.. I love you! I mean it! Stephanie

imageflickr book excerpt Alex and Stephen Kendrick


The Whispering Creek House said...

I am posting early ladies..I have a "date" tonight! tomorrow's dare is a big one but like I said you can do it! love you all! Stephanie

Dianna said...

Hey Stephanie!
I hope that as I type these words you and your honey are enjoying your date night!

To meet Day #4's Dare I called Carroll at work. The phone rang 3 times before he got to it. I was thinking of the "message" I was going to leave on his voice mail when he answered. I asked if he was still eating his lunch and he said he'd just finished. I said, "Well, I just wanted to tell you that I love YOU." He said, "Well, I love you too"...and the tenderness in his voice melted my heart. This evening as I was getting the last of our evening meal on the table, he sat down at the opposite end of the table to take off his shoes and he said, "I just happened to be walking through the lab today when you called." Since I hadn't brought this up I know it was something he'd thought about all afternoon! Loving this...and loving the encouragement of going through it with sweet sisters in Christ!

Stephanie, I do the same with my hubby...and for the same reason. The first time I did it YEARS ago, I noticed that tenderness in his voice when he said, "Thank you" and so I've continued to do it...and often!

Julie said...

HI ladies...Today went well from beginning to evening...I talked to him several times, but my love dare project was to send him a text of how much I was aware of all the hard things he is doing and going through because of his work taking him out to Iowa. Tonight I found out we have a water leak! argh...and I have tried to be very upbeat and positive and not whine or rant or rave about having to deal with this...and thank him for all his help and input...It helps! :-)
Being intentional about all this right now sure does make me aware of thinking thinking thinking about how I can be a helper and not a headache to him...:-)
On to the next dare...

The Whispering Creek House said...

Julie it can be very difficult to stay positive and upbeat when you feel so alone..but your doing great!!! keep it up and hope your leak gets taken care of without to much hassle!

Julie said...

Stephanie, I meant to say THANKS for commenting here at your blog since Kurt doesn't know I'm doing the dare!!! :-) Have a great day!

Out in the Fields said...

This one was actually easy for me because of an exercise we had recently done as a couple, I already know his top 3 resentments! Now to work on them, especially as they are not ones I had a clue about:)