It makes me feel good to do something that helps him unwind from the day and feel at home when he gets here.
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. -Proverbs 27:14
Love is not rude
Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. Rude behaviour may seem insignificant to the person doing it, but it's unpleasant to those at the receiving end.
As always love has something to say about this. The bottom line is that genuine love minds it manners. good manners express to your wife or husband.."I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be the person who's a pleasure to be with."When you allow love to change your behavior-even in the smallest ways- you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them.
For the most part, etiquette you use at home is much different that the kind you employ with friends or even strangers. You may be barking or pouting around the house, but if that front door chimes, you open it all smiling and kind. Yet if you dare to love, you will also want to give your best to your own....I have a terrible memory when I didn't have self control and was yelling, I even said a swear and a friend of mine came into my home and "caught" me..I still cringe when I think of how humiliated I was that she saw my behaviour but more ashamed that I was treating my family to such an unbecoming part of myself..I am glad that God allowed that painful time to happen because it became a lesson for me I never want to repeat..Having habits like this can be hard to break..I am not perfect but in my heart I want desperately to be thoughtful of times when I become rude and to change my selfish way. If you don't make changes in your behaviour, the quality of your marriage will suffer for it.
There are two main reasons why people are rude:ignorance and selfishness. Neither, of course is a good thing. A child born of ignorance needs help with training..Adults on the other hand display their ignorance at another level. You know the rules, but you can be blind to how you break them or be to self-centered to care. In fact, you may not realize you are unpleasant to live with.
Treat yourself with these questions:
- How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?
- How does your behavior affect your mate's sense of worth and self esteem?
- Would your husband or wife say your a blessing, or that your condescending and embarrassing?
If your thinking that your spouse- not you- is the one who needs work in this area, your likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness. Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard. Do you wish your spouse would stop doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
Here are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage:
- Guard the Golden Rule: Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated. (see Luke 6:31)
- No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers, co-workers and friends.
- Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt, then ask.
Ask your spouse to tell you three things (gulp) that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Questions for you:
- What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention?
- How did you handle hearing it?
- What do you plan to do to improve these areas?
Listen, this is scary..don't I know it. But when we face things about ourselves we always learn and that's a good thing.. besides, our marriages benefit from it.. so its worth it. Your probably wonder why you got yourself into this..Be Brave! We knew it was gonna get hard..keep going! Do not give up because of fear or humiliation.! It is a tool of the enemy my friends..shine God's truth and light on and into those secret places..you will be blessed!! I look forward to hearing from you.. I love you! I mean it! Stephanie
imageflickr book excerpt Alex and Stephen Kendrick