Monday, February 8, 2010

Words of Affirmation...

I love... is here! Just a disclaimer before I start...I'm just a person talking about love. That is all..I am not a love doctor or anything..just sharing my thoughts and ideas on the subject...and looking forward to your thoughts and ideas on the subject..there. That's outta the way...I have felt a little pressure since announcing this weeks topic so I felt it only natural to ask for some grace and affirmation from you all that you will love me when its over! giggle

Which brings me to the first love language that comes from the book "Love Languages" by Gary Chapman: Words of affirmation.

I'm jumping in as you can see... because this is ONE of my love languages.... that's right I said one...I'm a woman.. I have needs! giggle

Mark Twain said,"I can live for two months on a good compliment"..and I agree! The power of a word (or two) is amazing to me! To be appreciated by the one you love is so wonderful because first, it is simple and second ,it gets to the point..I am in love with you!

But alas, its not always the easiest thing to do at times for the one we love...especially when we feel isolated, lonely or not valued..so I find that when I feel a little down.. I ask for what I need..you heard me..I ask..for what ..I need..This did not always come natural to me! Just saying..and maybe its not natural for you either..but how else is our guy to know? We want to believe he can read our mind or tell by the slamming of cupboard doors that I'm feeling unloved..but all that does is create a place for performance..he is thinking ok ..how do I make this get over fast? Do you get my meaning? Then, we are like..he's just saying what I want to hear to make it all better fast! So we are not getting to the heart of the matter we are just jumping to the final result without the journey and neither is getting what is truly needed..that emotional connection.

Did you know that encourage means "to inspire courage?" Maybe your afraid to ask for what you need because you feel insecure about how your loved one will take it...be encouraged! They want relationship too! It is hard for some guys to give words of affirmation..but that doesn't mean we should not ask for it.My guy does alot of acts of service ..that is one of the ways he shows me how he loves me. I love that..but what do you do when the love language you desire is the one that is the hardest for him? Be patient and kind and encourage him(not pressure or condemn him) to express what you need by accepting the times he does his best and for me- it took telling him how I feel when he gives me compliments and encouraging words..that really has helped! What if this love lanugage is hard for you to do? Practice, practice, practice! It will come the more you do it! Choose to be brave! How about your husband..is this his love language? It is one of Danny's and so I give wholeheartedly because it comes easily to me..now I have a thought about this..it comes easy..I wonder...do we only do what comes easy..but...dont push through to what is hard because we figure -well, I do this easily.. it should be enough? Do you get my drift? We do what comes easily and figure that's good enough? Think on this a minute....this is my love language so I do it easily for Danny..but it is not easy for him so should I just let him off the hook? ahh no. I want him to push through to me..get to me...rescue me...and he does because I have encouraged him to not give up...and neither should you...if this is your love language or your husbands we should always start with kindness..and tenderness. No one ever gets what they want with sassiness and hardness..it is just performance then. Asking for what you want tenderly will get you farther..I promise.

Be humble. Love requests.. not demands it own way. When we make a request we show respect and show that we value our loved ones abilities to fulfill our request. It gives a choice to give or not. I think when asked most people will give...but to humble ourselves? Well, it can feel like it will take an act of God and it may..but its a choice we have too.

I want to feel and be appreciated..you do to.. I'm sure..So what are some ideas you have tried to practice words of affirmation?

Words of affirmation I try to share with Danny:

  • I appreciated that he gets up everyday to go to work or in his case now, that he goes to school to provide a stable future for me and our kids.
  • I encourage him to grow in his walk with the Lord by going to men's conferences, men's bible studies without any hassle about the time it takes.
  • I tell him I respect him and I show that ..by honoring his decisions for our family.
  • I tell him.. He is hot! cuz he is!
  • I ask for his forgiveness because I'm not always what I should be..a girl gets crabby sometimes...
  • I tell him is everything I ever wanted...and he is

Anyway, we are not perfect..I read this to Danny...and he was really moved..see..just a few words can make such a difference..I hope you enjoyed this...I would love to hear how you practice words of affirmation in your life..is it easy or hard for you? Thanks for stopping by! love ya mean it! Stephanie

4 comments:

Debra@Common Ground said...

This is a wonderful book and topic on the subject on "love", not just mushy superficial, but deep and inspiring thoughts and practical ways to say "I love you". Great post!
Debra

KolentynePoppy said...

It's hard for me to express face to face what I think about EC (that's the man of my dreams and I happen to be married to him- lucky, I am!) I am a writer and a do-er. Very action oriented, you might say. So I push through, as you put it, in this area, because whenever I tell him "he's hot!" or that "He's the most amazing man and father" or, and this one is tough because I have to really stop and think (remember, I'm action) that what he does for us (in specific) is so amazing - He stands ten feet tall and receives those accolades with a humble greatness and has a skip in his step, a smile on his face and all is right in the universe. The specifics are the difficult part for me. I feel them. But to put them in words - hard. But what happens to EC when I tell him these things....is priceless - like a life force into his veins!!!

He, on the other hand is a thinker and a speaker. He tells me in great detail gorgeous things about how he sees me. After I melt and you have to wipe me up off the floor, I think, man how did I get him?

However, the melting is only part of how I receive his love. When he does something for us. Builds a deck. Puts an art studio in the basement for me. Plants the vegetable garden. Hauls the wood for the stove. I'm His forever!!! (action, remember?)

I love this series. Can you tell?

Thank you

<3 ya!
~Kolein

Rebecca said...

Such a wonderful post...
Blessings
Rebecca

Out in the Fields said...

Great Stuff! This is an easy love language for me to give to everyone EXCEPT the one in my life who needs it most:( Why? I don't know...I feel so sad looking at what I just typed, I have to go talk to the Lord about that problem in my heart right now!